A Big Party
By Mike Jenkins
(from Issue 17)
S' we decided to ave a Big Party
t celebrate-a Big Society
(it woz-a best way
t get on-a telly).
Better still, this bloke up-a street
woz comin back from Afghanistan
with a small wound on is leg,
so summin else t celebrate.
First time since-a Jubilee
and even them Thomases Welsh Nat's
Welsh-speakers never turned up 'en,
sayd they'd come along this time.
Ev'ryone ud be there cept Dirty Dick
number 69 done f flashin
all over-a local paper ;
if ee come ee'd ave a good kickin.
It woz all ready, booze n buffet
(even cold pizza f'r the veggies),
journalist from-a 'Merthyr' with a camra,
but telly coverin a Big Orgy up-a Rhondda.
Never seen tha soldier before,
is mam wore a t-shirt sayin
'MAM OF A TOTAL HERO',
ee limped bard, toasted-a Queen;
Thomases started complainin in Welsh,
s' this eero Shane ee tells em -
'Fuck off ome t wherever!'
They jest sayd -'We woz born in Merthyr!'
It did get better arfter tha,
we ad a Big Cake we all shared
and a Big Larf when some o the boyz
pissed all over Dick's garden.
Shane showed the kids is scars
an got to autograph a few girlz t-shirts;
it got barkin as the evenin wen on
with Big Drinkin Competitions.
Then Alan up-a road puts a dampener
on the whool bloody evenin,
stan's on-a table, one foot in-a cake remains
an gives off t ev'ryone -
'Big Fuckin Party!' ee shouts is ead off,
'yesterday I gotta Big News,
the Council's on'y laid me off
an now I feel like a nobuddy!'
Shane yells out - 'Yew should join the army!'
Thomases start singin 'Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau',
I done a Big Spew in-a drain
an a Big Party become a Big Pandemonium.