Respect

By Chris Williams (from Issue 8)

       As a token of respect the Princess of Wales Hospital in Bridgend
             is to be re-named the Dead Princess of Wales Hospital.
       As a token of respect all divorced men in Britain
             will spend each sixth of September with their ex-wives.
             This will be continued in perpetuity.
       As a token of respect all people who die of Aids
             will in future be interred in the Spencer family vault.
       As a token of respect all manufacturers of land-mines
             will have one or more legs removed at the knee;
             the number of legs being decided by the extent of their respect.
       As a token of respect all homeless people
             will in future be known as "Dianas".
       As a token of respect Bulimia will be made compulsory.
       As a token of respect the works of Elton John and Bernie Taupin
             will replace William Shakespeare on the National Curriculum.
       As a token of respect all Royal properties open to the public
             will in future be staffed by lepers...
                                           as a token of respect.